July 15. 2016

Learn to Let Go

Hello and welcome back! I am going to start off by saying today I am going to be writing about my feelings. Surprise, surprise Cassie is emotional again. What can I say that’s me! In my last post I talked about not letting fear hold you back. Well now I want to talk about realistic goals and aspirations.

If you have been following me you know that I was looking to compete again in the fall. After my last show I gained weight. It happens! Some of it was needed and some of it wasn’t. I really tried to reverse diet and not eat bad, honestly I can say ate unclean about four times in total since I got off stage. So the weight gain was not planned or anticipated on my part. I have beaten myself up over and over again, I have been so discouraged about what I did wrong.

For my body, weight packs on easy and I have a hard time losing it. So being heavier and the scale not dropping, I am struggling to stay motivated. In my last prep what had me push through was I loved the changes and how I looked each week. It simply isn’t happening now. I try to keep saying to myself just keep going it will come back. It will but not in time for this show. I shed a few tears today but I know this is just another bump in the road.

I could have lost the weight in time but with that I could lose most of the muscle we are trying to build and hold onto. To me it just doesn’t make sense to do this show and that breaks my heart but these things happen and we have to be honest with ourselves. What sucks the most though is how hard I tried to stay ready for prep after my last show.

Now my plan doesn’t change. I have to lose this weight and see where to go from there. No I don’t have a show in mind. To be a better competitor I have to be ready. Which entails having more muscle and less body fat. When I feel that is accomplished I will think about picking a show. I really just want to feel good in my skin again.

Since my morale has been so down I just haven’t been able to snap into my groove. Each week that passes and the scale hasn’t gone down just hurts. Last week I did something I would never do before. I ate my feelings. I was so upset about my body that for a moment I said forget this! In turn made things worse. I am backing out of the show for my well-being. I don’t want to have issues with my body or food.

I’m letting go of these struggles and have to reassess. I will be better each and every day. I will not do something that isn’t benefiting my personal growth. Even now that I am sad and disappointed, I still have my goals to work on for myself. This is not the end it is to be continued…

I found out this week I get to go to Pittsburgh to support my team at a National show! I am very excited! They worked so hard for this and they get to show it off now! I want to be there someday so I have to learn from them how to do it and succeed.

Until next time guys,

Cassie

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